lie awake and wait for the sunrise / there'll be no sleep tonight

I got a bunch of music back from josh today, in an attempt to fix the crisis that was my computer crash. I'm listening to one that was a soundtrack of this summer (Nine Til Midnight by Honestly). It's a really, really beautiful song. Mostly it reminds me of lying in bed at Cornell, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and missing him.

I guess I bring this up because Laur and Ry have been talking about studying abroad recently, and it's been making me think, because I really hadn't considered doing it until they brought it up. Not that I don't like traveling, because obviously I do, but because of major stuff and premed stuff and a whole raft of stuff like that, it just seemed like it wouldn't happen. That, and the fact that since I plan on spending 5-10+ years working overseas, I guess I'm not jumping at the bit to go now. I don't think I'm the typical "I've never left america and this is my only opportunity ever!" sort of kid who does study abroad.

But what would it mean to do it? I mean, my roommates will be gone, if they go (which they probably will, spring 2010). And me? Well. That becomes the question. I know that there are a ton of opportunities here, and I don't know if studying abroad would help me or hurt me on that front. I know I'd be bored out of my mind here without the girls, and that leaving josh here would be really, really hard. I only know that after this summer, and the most we went without seeing each other was 8 weeks. And it felt like forever. But, he might not be in atlanta next year. He could very easily be in baltimore, eastern NC, or a raft of other places. And if that happens, will I wish I had applied and gone, since I won't be able to see him as often anyway?

It's just a little strange to me, because I really hadn't considered this, and now I'm trying to decide what it would mean to go or to stay. and I know that I'll regret it if I decide it makes sense academically and I don't go. So. does it?

I really need to pray about it.

joshua radin has a new cd out. that's really exciting. : )

I realized today while I was writing an email that when Josh tells me about some of the incredible encounters he's had with homeless guys, I'm so excited for him and so glad to feel a part of that that sometimes I almost feel guilty, as if I don't ever have those experiences either.

That's silly. I do have something to offer, in that department.

I need to stop doubting myself.

la vie

I haven't been here in a while. I miss it.

I read an incredible book the other day. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

"Touching him was always so important to me. It was something I lived for. I could never explain why. Little, nothing touches. My fingers against his shoulder. The outside of our thighs touching as we squeezed together on the bus. I couldn't explain it, but I needed it. Sometimes I imagined stitching all of our little touches together. How many hundreds of thousands of fingers brushing against each other does it take to make love?" (181).

"There are more places you haven't heard of than you've heard of!" (154).

"We stopped laughing. I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question: "do you like me?" (116).

"Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So, in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are" (99).

this book is incredible.