Josh's roommate Philip proposed to his girlfriend yesterday. Wow. It was already a yesterday. And it's something I've been thinking about. As I was saying today to Laur, it's funny how that both freaks me out and makes me happy. Like, optimistic-happy. Obviously I'm happy for Phil and Erin, because they're great, but it's also something to think about.
Being engaged doesn't freak me out nearly as much as it would've a year ago.
That's just something I've been taking note of. I don't really know what it means, but I was thinking today about what Paul says in 1 Cor 13:13 -- And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I think that each of these things, faith, hope, and love, are integral parts of each other. Love is fully hope and fully faith, in each other, in yourself, in the fact that the relationship will work, in the role of God in helping you hold yourselves together through whatever life throws at you. I don't really understand love, I don't think, but that's because I don't understand God's love for me.
I'm not sure if I'll ever get love. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to see at what point I feel for Josh some semblance of what God feels for me. I like Josh more now than I did six months ago, or two months ago, or two weeks ago. But what does that mean? Anything? I don't know.
I know that I think that love is something you don't end, something that lasts forever. Love is, in itself, a commitment. So it's not something you toss around. But how do you know?
I guess I shouldn't worry about it. But I'm curious. I know we've only been dating for a year. But I guess I wonder. How long will it take to just 'know'? Do you ever just know?
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