criteria.

So, Saturday night, my friend Adil and I laid on the roof of the Carlos Museum for four hours (3-7am) discussing soulmates. Does everyone have a soul mate? I believe so. I want to very badly, anyway. And we spent most of the time talking about what our individual soulmates would look/act/be like--preferences or qualities, some of them seemingly unimportant, that form the perfect person for each of us.

Things like the following.

My soulmate would be disarming. He would know me nearly completely, but not perfectly. Surprises are the spice of life.
My soulmate would be willing to be embarrassed a little to make me happy. Even if he can't dance, he would to shake things up a bit.
My soulmate would be quite at home on the furniture.
My soulmate wouldn't bother with throw pillows or other silly norms dictated by society.
When entering a room, my soulmate would head for the windows.
My soulmate's hugs would last longer than 3 seconds.
My soulmate would make me never again look at another guy.
My soulmate would think that I hung the moon.
My soulmate would be my best friend.
My soulmate would make everyone else seem black and white to his technicolour.
My soulmate would see God as more real than anyone or anything else he's ever encountered.
My soulmate would appreciate shared silences.
My soulmate would make me smile constantly, sometimes just by being there.
My soulmate would be spontaneous and somewhat unpredictable.
My soulmate would kiss me in the rain.
My soulmate wouldn't be afraid to just go.

my soulmate will feel at home on the furniture.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

"In buying a horse and in taking a wife, shut your eyes and commend yourself to God."
-Italian Proverb

"Do not let too strong a light come into your bedroom. There are in a beauty a great many things which are enhanced by only being seen in a half light."
-Ovid

from Samaritan to sin, and it's waiting on the end.

Prayer tonight was awesome. Wow. Talk about feeling God move and put people and things on my heart -- obviously this is what people mean when they say, in particular, "God told me I needed to pray for him/it/that." I've always kind of wondered.

Things are going really well right now. I'm getting involved--I'm now in charge of Wonderful Wednesdays for Not For Sale week... how exciting. Ahh. I love people. (And I love how Arunan is calling me, him, Liza, and David the "emory vegetarian christians." Yay, jesus and veggies together.)

No, I didn't do as awesomely on the bio test as I'd have wanted to, but I will this week. And this weekend, go to bog down--there's an orgo test in nearly a week, and I'm going to ace it, with God's help. I know I can do it. I can do all things through He who strengthens me. That's always comforted me, phrase-wise.

Just, Lord, please lead me next where you want me to be. I'm loving it so far.

and you enter suddenly, and I am lost again.

Apparently black nail polish is in. Who knew? I definately thought that it was mostly used for halloween costumes of witches.

Anyway.

I read an awesome blog on this kid's facebook today about whether God was real, and about how, although he's totally a believer, sometimes when he's really busy he falls into the trap of "non-relational' Christianity, where you pray and then God does his thing and you read a couple of lines of Scripture each night and say grace over meals and that's it. Nada mas.

That's not enough for me. I know God is real, and as I was reading this guy's account of how he knew that God was real, and he was really right. He mentioned how he made it through the week. It's not because we're smart, or we're good time-managers. It's because God, in His infinite wisdom, saw fit for us to do so. Because God needed us to be here this week. And I'm hopeful about next week, but then again, I very well might not live to see that. So I'd better try as hard as I can to live today to the best it can be. Take chances, make mistakes, sing out loud, don't straighten my hair, wear something outlandish that I love.

God is in the reassurance that I've studied enough--I can take this exam and do well. God is in the good feeling I get when I talk to the woman who swipes my card at the DUC and ask her about her day, or in the smiles of the happy, slightly-drunk kids as they get back safely from frat row for the night. God's even in the hard stuff--the movie about human trafficking, the awkward feeling when you go to a meeting of a club for the first time and don't know anyone, trying to let someone down gently when you tell them you're not interested in them.

This boy ended his blog with a line that I loved. "Faith means having to see God as more real that anything or anyone I have ever encountered."

That's my life, right there in a nutshell.

well maybe, this life is like your bed

I've met a ton of awesome people here. It's kind of exciting... And I'm back on that path of being mistaken for a junior or a senior, which is exciting and reassuring. I typically don't like "freshman orientation"-type activities because they make me feel young. Young and naieve and just like everyone else, which, to be honest, I am. I do not, however, act like many of the kids in my year, which must seperate me on some level I don't see and, so, causes people to ask that smile-inducing question of, "what year are you? junior?" Always a winner.

I really like this Christian coffeehouse that I found here. It's called Bread, and it's really awesome--free coffee and usually bread or cookies and sometimes a full meal, along with bible studies, devotional lunches, and wicked sweet bands that come and play every wednesday night. Kind of a fiesta.

And it's exciting to get involved in clubs, too. Not that it doesn't make me want to start one of my own (Oxfam, maybe?), but it's neat to meet a ton of people interested in neuroscience, global health, amnesty international, advocating against human trafficking, or, most importantly, Jesus. I really like ECF, which is this christian fellowship group here, and I'm excited about small groups starting and meeting more really nifty people through that.

And I met this boy named Ian. And I really like him, which is kind of good, and kind of frustrating. Frustrating because I'd really like to go on a date with him, but he's got to make the first move, and I hate waiting. But, whatever. If it's meant to happen, it will. And in the mean time, it's just exciting to be here.

And to leave with a quote from Rosseau:
"On a fait l'Amour aveugle car il n'y a pas de meilleurs yeux que nous." // We made love blind because there are no better eyes than us.

love you all.

Midtown. and ECF. and Hillsong.

Wow. Tonight was awesome. I was frantic today from studying, and it's bothered me how I haven't made any really new, awesome christian friends. And then I went to ECF tonight, and Midtown, and both were awesome. What a neat church, God. And thanks for telling them to sing the song that they did. If anything, it hit home with one person there.

Now for that spanish thing.

Also. Please, give me the words to say tonight, or wednesday, or whenever. You know what I mean.

The greatest love that anyone could ever know,
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul,
Until I see you face to face,
And grace amazing takes me home,
I'll trust in you

an update. kind of.

I need to write a real update. I know. But I can't right now. My contacts aren't in, and I can barely see. I can't even see these letters.

But here's the thing. I need help, again, God. I feel like Anne Lamott was right when she said that the twp best prayers she knows are "help me help me help me" and "thank you thank you thank you." So this is one of the first kind, although, thank you for everything. The second kind is obviously more important.

So, back to the first kind. Let me know what you're thinking? Probably not this boy, that's okay. I know that you'll let me know if he's the one or not. And it's fine if he's not. But it'd be nice to be lead toward someone who is. Or could be, with a little bit of effort on my part and a lot on yours.

And thank you. Thank you for everything, because you understand everything that I want and desire and need. And you'll provide all of the last bit, and as much of the first two as is good for me. Which is best. So thanks.

love emily

-----
"Frail" by Jars of Clay
Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth theyll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...