something I want to think about now that jt is in tfa:

1) is what I'm about to say going to take away a piece of his happiness about this thing? because if so, that's the LAST thing I want to do. and I know that with every roll of my eyes, that's what I'm doing. I'm usually an incredibly happy person, and I'm not okay with that not being so. I want to exude christ's joy in everything that I do, and I want that to be evident in his life, that I am a positive addition and a blessing.

so: when I hear something like, "I just got car insurance" or "I got a computer, but there's no way to install apps," my first thought needs to be, is what I'm saying going to be productive, or is it ruining his happiness? He's an adult, he's being an adult, and I feel... I don't know. I guess I feel like I want to contribute, but I can't, because we aren't doing this jointly. my opinions matter, but not really, because it's his life at the end of the day. I think there's just a lot of worry in me that I'm not doing this right, all the time.

Lord, please. Please give me your grace and wherewithall and ability to hopscotch through difficult situations and make you proud. I know that this is a learning experience, and I'm learning how to love josh. I just need your guidance and teaching to be able to do it. Please help me to take the quiet time I need to learn how you love me, in order to learn how I love josh.

you're wonderful, and such an incredible blessing, father.