Things are different here now. My friends are different. Or, more likely, I'm different. I don't feel different, but I get in a big group of them and I realize that a lot of what they're into, I'm not. Or no longer am.

Maybe I should just play along. But why should I have to? And then, I listen to some of the things that they say, and just the interactions that take place, and I realize that this really isn't who I want to be. That I'm just not completely on the same plane any more. I am with Jen and John, definately. And probably Peter. But James, and Mackenzie, and Brian, and Kaitlin... I just don't feel like we're that connected. That it's fairly forced. And that I don't want to be out with all of them until all hours. because it just isn't fun.

And I'm sorry if I'm making this up, but I felt uncomfortable tonight at Brian's house. Like, some of his mother's comments just made me feel uneasy. Embarrassed. Not uneasy like last night during Superbad. But rather, a "I don't belong here and I don't like it" feeling.

People change. I've changed. I guess I just didn't realize how much. It's not that I dislike who I am. If anything, I think I like who I am more. It's just a matter of finding the balance. Listening to myself talk, for example. Voice quality. Am I being mean, just in how I sound? Those sorts of things.

I kind of want it to be Christmas, so I can take a break from my friends. I want to lose ten pounds and I want to go back to school.

I love my family, but I... I dunno. It's weird here.