I realized tonight at church just how happy I am. And it's great. Finals are coming, sure, but I'm being productive and getting a lot done, especially tonight, and I refuse to be worried.
And that's great. You know? As is the fact that everything is better with Rylee (things were kind of shaky and weird for a while. But I love that they aren't anymore.) and that Laurie's sister and parents came to visit, and... everything.
Last night josh and I were just laying in the dark talking for, like, two hours, and he asked me to tell him something interesting. So, I told him that bumblebees are physically too large to fly on such small wings and they defy the laws of physics, and ostriches have the world's largest eggs... and that I think I'm falling in love with him.
which feels kind of like trying not to throw up. Not the falling in love part, but the telling him part.
he smiled widely and laid his head on my chest and whispered that he thought his heart skipped a beat. which helped with the trying-not-to-hurl feeling.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this down. it's funny, because it's so visible in my head it's almost like I could transport myself back there, tout de suite. but I know it won't be in a month or so. or maybe it will. who knows. but it's not worth the risk, because it was beautiful and terrifying and almost like loving him. which I hope I'll figure out how to do soon.
anyway, I have faith. in a lot of things right now.
hope is the expectation of a coming good and an anchor for our souls.
shalom isn't the absence of something, but the presence of something waiting.
happy almost passover.
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1 comment:
That's incredible.
I'm sorry I didn't get to call you yesterday, but I have a REALLY good excuse. I was sleeping all day because I was up all night in the ER with a concussion.
So. Good excuse. I'll talk to you as soon as I'm able to stay away for more than three hours and string together coherent sentences again.
Much love.
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