I haven't been sad in a long time. I don't remember, anyway, the last time I felt truely, utterly, tearfully sad. Probably around march/april, when my great aunt was so ill and in the hospital. I'd never imagined, really, quite what dying people look like until then. I know now, though I can't say I feel much wiser about it.
No, but, tonight, after watching the painted veil, I feel sad. I bawled through the last fifteen minutes of the movie, and still, thinking about it, I get teary. Even while typing this. I heard once that women cry at romantic scenes in movies because they wish that for themselves and are unhappy with the state of affairs in their own lives. For me, that's... I dunno, 30% true? In theory, I tell myself that I haven't figured out myself or God enough to try to shove someone else into that equation, and I do like how I am. Mostly, though, I don't think I have it in me to devote myself to another relationship that will pull me from god, my family, or myself.
But goodness, tonight, do I feel lonely. Not lonely, even, just... I could use a hug. Not just the comfort of the Lord nearby, but a real, person-to-person, physical hug. And I don't believe that God begrudges us that, the human desire for contact. He built us, anyway.
So. There it is, then.
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1 comment:
I know the feeling, trust me.
You are not wrong to think that, and yes, God created people to need Him, but also to need each other. We are relational creatures. We need God. And we need other people - it's supposed to be that way.
If you need anything, you know where I am. :)
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