there's this boy at church. And I get my hopes up, I'm not sure why. sometimes I convince myself that stuff could work out, and it probably never could, and it's probably not in God's plan, but he's a first year med student at LECOM and he's nice and he's Christian and it's not really THAT out of the realm of possibility, is it?

I feel like all I ever do is blog about boys. But, the thing is, it's one of the biggest areas in my life in which I need help.

Also. Peter told me off, basically, the other day for telling James to "tell Leigh I said hello." Leigh is mad at me, background story. It's a long one, but I can't waste energy being mad at her. She'll either get over it or not. But Peter said that it's just "egging her on" and that it makes me "seem fake" and lots of stuff like that.

Sometimes, you know, I'm really just being nice. In fact, 98% of the time, I'm just being nice. I'm a nice person. I really can't help that; I have a sweet disposition and I never take a moment to think that me being nice would bother someone, or be questioned in any way.

That's what's funny. I read what Katie J said about Marissa, about her being the most honest person she knows, and that's really true. But I'm definately not the most honest person I know. I try to be honest whenever possible, but I sugar coat it sometimes if I'm worried about hurting someone's feelings.

And, here's the thing. When I seem concerned about your life, I really am. When I say I'll pray for you, I really do. When I seem happy, I am, and when I seem upset, I am that too. Sometimes I lie about the latter, but I don't pretend to be happy when I'm not. I don't like feeling fake.

So, I guess, I don't lie. I really, really hate to do that. I think sometimes I try to find too diplomatic a way of saying the truth. Not about my opinions, like how the Tamils or Tibet are being oppressed or what we should do about Zimbabwe. No, it's more stuff like, "I'm dating a 29 year old guy with a kid... do you think that's okay?" No, not really is my first instinct, but I usuAlly phrase it like, "well, if he's gone to school and he's responsible and he's trying to make a better life for himself and his child, sure. Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into."

And, the thing is? After thinking about it, I really do agree with what I said, not what I thought.

Mmm. I want more peaches.