happiness.

there's a lot of it in the world. I know there is. but I'm getting kind of sick of watching these movies that just suck it out of me. se7en, requiem for a dream, the cell.

last night was a brief reprieve from that. we cooked at jenny's. and it was just nice because we didn't have to think about all of the crap going on. We could just cook (spring rolls, curry, etc.) and be happy and... it was great.

I left requiem for a dream in this haze that's hard to explain. this haze that said that life is horrible. that no one can escape just how bad it is. the look in jennifer connoly's eyes as the movie ended was haunting. it's what I always imagined hell would be like, and everyone's hell in that movie is just as bad as everyone else's... but her look was so terrified, so helpless, so "given-up," that it stuck with me. it made me want to leave and pray and lie under the stars, and just soak in the good of the world.

there's so much beauty here. just don't tune it out.